Jokes

Here are a few jokes a friend sent me. Haha, damn funny..

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A woman wakes up and tell her husband, "I dreamed you gave me a beautiful pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?"

"You'll know tonight." he replies with a smile.

That evening, the man comes home with a small package and gives it to his wife. Delighted, she opens it.

Inside is a book entitled The Meaning of Dreams.

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A waman walked up to a little old man rocking in a chair on his porch.

"I couldn't help but notice how happy you look". she said."What's your secret for a long and happy life."

"I smoke three packs of cigarettes a day, "he said, "I drink a case of whiskey a week, eat fatty foods and don't exercise."

"That's amazing." the woman said. "How old are you ?"

"Twenty-six".

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A drunk man stumbles across an evangelical mass-baptism service next to a river. He wades into the water and stands next to the preacher.

"My son, are you ready to find Jesus?" the preacher asks.

"Yeah,sure" says the drunk.
The preacher dunks him under the water for a spilt second and pulls him back up. "Have you found Jesus?"
"No, I didn't". say the drunk.
The preacher dunks him under the water for just a bit longer. "Have you found Jesus?" he asks the man again.
"No. I have not Reverend."
The preacher holds the man under for more than 30 seconds. "By all the saints". he says. "Have you found Jesus this time?"
The drunk splutters, wipes his eyes and says in exasperation. "Look, are you sure this is where he fell in?'".

~~

-Edwin